At the post-Golden Globes, pre-Oscars point in awards season, things inevitably start to feel a little stale. This is not the fault of any particular show, nor is it necessarily the fault of their various and sundry celebrity hosts, but really, how many E! dispatches from the red carpet can a girl watch? (In many ways, my entire career is an attempt to answer this very question.)
But then the Independent Spirit Awards come along—a shining beacon of low-budget cinema, gender-neutral acting categories, oddball glamour, and genuinely funny opening monologues. (If you don’t believe me, do yourself a favor and watch longtime Independent Spirit Awards hosts Nick Kroll and John Mulaney do a plethora of perfect bits over the years.)
2025’s Independent Spirit Awards took place, as usual, in “a freezing-cold tent on the beach” (per a 2018 Mulaney joke), but the event’s slightly confusing mid-afternoon vibe didn’t dampen the excitement of seeing Saturday Night Live and Shrill alum Aidy Bryant exactly where she should be: onstage hosting an award show again. I, personally, am still pushing for her to host all of the award shows (Aidy Bryant for president, or Elon Musk-style shadow president, or whatever the foremost position in government is these days), but I’ll take this for now!
Below, find the very best lines from Bryant’s opening monologue at Saturday’s ceremony.
“Welcome to the Independent Spirit Awards, Hollywood’s third or fourth biggest night.”
“The Independent Spirit Awards turn 40 this year. Wow, 40, the famous most disgusting age in Hollywood.”
“If you live in New York or LA, you”re automatically bi. That’s just state law.”
“It has been a great year for film, and a bad year for human life.”
“Nightbitch is actually what my husband and I say to each other before bed.”
“Emma Stone is a producer on four nominated films tonight, but more importantly, she has short hair now.”
“I would absolutely take The Substance, but only because of how amazing it would be to spend a week dead asleep naked on a bathroom floor.”
“Somewhere out there, some young person is making your work their whole personality. And they are being so annoying about it.”
“Film is what this city was built on, and who built it? A bunch of annoying dorks like us.”
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